Anybody who’s been rejected – So, Everybody knows it results in feeling pretty horrible. But rejection has weird effects on your brain & body, too: Past researches has shown your brain responds to it by releasing natural painkillers to ease your emotional pain, just like it would for physical trauma. And on top of that, being rejected can make you feel anxious and lonely – and even temporarily lower your IQ.
What is rejection?
Basically rejection means exclusion from a group, an information, interaction, communication or emotional intimacy.
Rejection has been and always will be a part of our normal life as our daily mail. Still, it hurts. Even though we’ve experienced it a hundred times, each and every rejection is a new wound.
Rejection hurts the most and it’s real.
Does rejection hurt?
Well we all know it does. It feels useless, especially in the situation of a romantic relationship.
Should it hurt?
Many self-help gurus and personal (self) development books will tell you that it shouldn’t, using one or more of the following myths.
Myth #1. Happiness is a choice that makes us healthy with the positivity, not an outcome. You can choose to be happy irrespective of peripheral circumstances.
Myth #2. We don’t need anyone’s approval in order to feel happy. The only person whose support our need is our own.
Myth #3. If you’re not happy alone, then you’ll never be happy in a relationship.
Simple and Easy Ways to Handle Rejection
So, does that mean there’s no way to relieve your pain of rejection?
Fortunately, that’s not the case. You can’t wish away the pain of the rejection, but you can control yourself when you feel rejected.
1. Take more time to process it instead of forcing a fake smile on your face.
Trying to force optimism or to move onward when you are still in an emotional turmoil or a bit shocked usually don’t work that well. So the first just take some of time to process the feelings and thoughts that arise when you’ve been rejected. At first it will likely hurt. Maybe a bit. Maybe a lot.
It’s OK. Just be with those feelings and thoughts as an alternative of trying to push them away. Because if you do or if you let them in and accept that they are there then it will go faster and in the long run be fewer painful to process what’s happened. At least in my experience.
If you on the other hand try to push it all away then those emotions and feelings tend to pop up at unexpected times and can make you moody, angry or pessimistic.
2. Force yourself to think of more than one possible outcomes.
The rule that you can follow to avoid surprise reactions from people in any situation is this: instead of having one specific expected outcome in mind, you need to force yourself to objectively imagine at least two possible reactions. One is mandatorily less positive than the others. Also, try and find some supporting reasons why each reaction could happen.
3. Be conscious of differences.
Each and every person in this world has a different reality. In any given situation, two people can never think and react in exactly the same way. Nobody else sees the same world in the same way as you do.
Hence, it’s not only possible but in fact likely, that people will behave and act differently from how you expect them to behave. In other words, how you would’ve behaved and act if you were them in a certain situation.
This expectation-reality gap frequently gives rise to feelings of rejection and hurt. Step to avoid unnecessary feelings of rejection is to acknowledge this difference.
4. Focus on what you still have in your life.
Take some time for the thoughts that arose. But don’t get stuck in dwelling and in dragging yourself down into an ocean of self-doubt and negativity.
Instead, shift your focus to what you actually still have in your life. The people, the passions or hobbies, the sometimes taken for granted things like a roof over your head and that you don’t have to go hungry.
Tapping into gratitude like this helps me to put what happened into perspective and to not let it overwhelm me.
5. Keep going.
Process what’s happened, learn what you can but don’t let the rejection (denial) stop you for too long.
Don’t let it get you stuck for some day, few weeks or months.
With a focus on what you still got in your life (that many in the world don’t have too), on what you can maybe do differently and with your attention on your opinion of yourself and what you actions you can take keep moving forward.
5. Spend Time with Those You Love
While being rejected by someone is too hard, it’s all the more reason to spend more time with those who do embrace and welcome you. People have a fundamental need to belong, after all, which can make getting rejected feel so much worse. “Use this conflicting experience to gain clarity on who’s really there for you in your life and double down on spending time with them,
6. Learn From Your Mistakes
If you totally clash off your rejection and try to move on without a second thought, you could be setting yourself up for rejection or failure down the line. Instead, take the time to learn from your mistakes you did and the things you might have done wrong that led to the rejection properly and you will learn from them. Then, when you try again in the future, you’ll have all that extra knowledge on your side.
Even if it’s by just taking one small step at first.